ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize