I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
