she is the kim kardashian of front butts
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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