last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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