I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
