he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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