Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
