Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
