I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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