well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
