My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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