Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
