Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
