so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
