get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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