Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
