Just fell off a train. Bad.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
