this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
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When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
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Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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