After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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