that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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