I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We're too hungover to prance.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
