go do what you do best...puke behind churches
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
