Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
