Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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