She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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