If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
