I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I smell like Dick and happiness
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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