Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
When are your genitals available?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
