my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
