she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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