My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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