Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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