We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I should be sponsored by Trojan
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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