I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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