she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
