Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
