I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
