So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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