Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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