The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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