i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
