something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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