One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
