are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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