I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
