insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
