I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
