You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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