A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
