oh god the rape fog is back!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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