I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
