There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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