She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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