She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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