I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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