Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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