No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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