shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
