508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
