I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
