You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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