It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
