PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
