Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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