when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
