If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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