And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
