I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
