After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
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this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
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I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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