The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
