And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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