I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
from now on my penis is your penis
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
