Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
