you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
