The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
