Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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