Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
