It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Welp...herpes.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
