im drinking this country out of the recession.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
