Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
