Hey man sorry I got all grabby
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
