btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
