I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
