His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
