Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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