Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
